Gravestoned (2009)

Gravestoned (2009)

Gravestoned (2009)

Some films are so bad, that are worth watching just for the experience and for the bragging rights to say that you saw it, and some films are so bad that they become cult favorites (e.g. Troll 2).

This film is neither. It is just outright bad.

The Background:

The movie follows the ‘adventures’ of two stoners as they try to break into the movie industry.

Shark and Coltrane are the names of the two stoners in question and they hook up with a film-maker who is looking for a severed-arm prop for a horror film he is making. The film director is called Orson Thalberg (presumably a nod to the legendary director ‘Orson Welles’), and for some reason he seems to spend most of the time dressed as Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter).

Orson also spends most of his time chatting to his beloved Scottish Terrier dog.

Gravestoned 2009

Gravestoned ‘actors’

Anyway, the stoners go off to find a suitable prop that can pass for a severed arm. They come back with various options that are all rejected by Thalberg, so they then resort to contacting their cousin Johnson, who can get anything….for a price. We know this because the script is clearly so bad at keeping the story flowing that the filmmakers have resorted to putting messages on the screen from time to time telling the viewer things like what the character is thinking, or what they are about to do next.

Anyway, to cut a dull story short, Shark, Coltrane, and cousin Johnson end up getting a dead body and chainsaw the arm off the cadaver in order to provide an authentic looking prop, and therefore get their big break in the movie business. Some cheerleaders are hired as actresses for the film, and cliche follows cliche, all wrapped in bad acting, a poor script, and some lazy camera-work.

There is a catch however, the corpse that they took the arm from decides that he wants it back and makes it his business to crash the film set and create terror.

Conclusion:

Gravestoned Zombie Gatekeeper

Gravestoned Zombie Gatekeeper

This is a film to avoid (although if you have enough self-hate you can subject yourself to the whole thing below) and the only redeeming feature is that it isn’t 93 minutes long (92 minutes is more than enough pain).

The film tries to be a comedy-horror but falls on it’s face between both stools, as it doesn’t deliver any scares, and the level of humor would make a Wayans brother’s film look like a a work of high art.

The official tagline for this film read: “Finally. A horror film for stoners” – well if this is a film that ‘stoners’ have been waiting for, well, then it’s enough to put you off drugs for life. Or maybe turn you on to harder stuff.

Let me just indulge myself and list (just a few) ways that this film fails to deliver:

  • No horror
  • Not funny
  • Awful script and acting, the only believable character is the dog……which plays ‘a dog’
  • It manages to shoe-horn in a lengthy stripping scene….that feature no stripping
  • It has a sex scene where they manage to remain full clothed
  • Promises a zombie, but leaves you wondering if you actually saw a zombie at all

Watch the trailer for Gravestoned below:



Watch ‘Gravestoned’ here:

Useful links:

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